Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
