A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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