I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
