you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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