how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
