dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
