Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
