im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
