I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
