So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
