We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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