just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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