ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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