i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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