Me. At least after what I've been through.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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