He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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