Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
