Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
