There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
