i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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