Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
