It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
