Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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