New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
