u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
