Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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