If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
