So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
