Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
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He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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