Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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