You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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