Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
