Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
