are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
third nipple confirmed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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