So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
