I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
