I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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