You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
