Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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