That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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