So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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