I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
