never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
