Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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