I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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