I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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