still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize