$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
