WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
