the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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