Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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