I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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