I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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