apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
