I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize