Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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