when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
