when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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