Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
