2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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